Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness, is filled with mystery. From Marlow journeying into the unknown to the mystery behind Kurtz, I began thinking about the mystery of my future.
I’m waiting for college decisions to come out. And well, I’M FREAKING OUT. Where am I going to go? What if nobody wants me? What if, what if what if.
It’s not the best feeling. It’s exciting, but terrifying. I applied undeclared to every school I applied to, which scares me even more. Not only do I have to continue waiting for college decisions, but once I end up somewhere, I have to decide what to do. I’ve never been a great test taker, so I’m afraid that I won’t succeed in college where almost everything that matters are tests.
Worry, stress, study, stress, test, stress.
I saw this picture that was intended to sum up the life of a student. Horribly accurate. Luckily, me and my friends take very similar classes, and we’ve had (mostly) the same experience in high school. I have had them to suffer with.
And now, we are suffering together waiting for college decisions. They’re supposed to come out in late march, and being early March, the days could not go by any slower. I have a calendar in my binder crossing off the days until the end of March.
Also, moving away from home scares me. I have a great supportive family, who has helped me through a lot. And in the back of my mind I know that, starting September, I won’t be living with them anymore. If things work out, I’ll even end up in Northern California, far, far away from my home. Then what?
Reading Heart of Darkness scared me for these reasons. Marlow is excited and thrilled by the possibility of finding wealth and success in Africa, where I am excited by the possibility of going away to college. However, Marlow was met with total devastation. He heard of the great Kurtz, and when Kurtz showed up, he was an insane manic.
What if I go to college, hearing of this great school, and when I go I realize that it’s absolutely horrible? There’s no way I will know that until I actually go. It’s a mystery that can’t be solved until I go. There’s nothing any of us can do about the mystery of the unknown.